Well its about fucking time. Now although I sit here writing this on a Mac and OSX, I don’t really like steve jobs that much and have made my thoughts pretty clear in this blog as I think his “lets bum the consumer as they will be dazzled by the marvelous design” and we are. we lap down the changes, the obvious built in obsolescence that these things have…. but his isn’t about Jobs, this is about Gates.

Now I’m afraid that I don’t have the first clue of how this new operating system will work, will it be better than windows ME (which actually did have ‘ME’ and was like the Phantom menace of Microsoft’s products) will the “virtualisation be the making of a whole new online based society. I don”t have the answers. I don have them as I don’t have B.O, knowledge of all episodes of Enterprise and still live at home and there for I’m not qualified for this subject.

What I can say is though, that why spend the millions and millions of geek power and money developing something revolutionary and then name it after a melon based liqueur that teenagers (and me) only drink when they run out of everything else including Thunderbird and sherry.

Why not call it Mirage or Addvocaat? or what about 20/20 (why was it called that? you certainly couldn’t see like that after a bottle of the shite)

Maybe this is what the Silicon Valley guys were shit faced on at the last Microsoft Warhammer night and thought it’d be a good idea. Possible but not probable… they are mad for Lambrini are Bill Gates and his minions.

What 80’s fruit based Liqueur do you think they should call it after? Leave me a message.

I’m back from the Bullrun, back to blighty and the inclement weather. Although its good to be home in a way I’ve now really go tthe urge to do one out of this city. Now this is wishful thinking for many reasons.

1 – I’ve just moved in with my girlfriend and she relocated to London for me, has just got a good job and is already ready to punch ma teef out for moaning wanting to move away.

2 – all my work is in London at the moment.

3 – There isn’t really anywhere left in the UK that I want to live. I wouldn’t mind being close to the sea so what do you do?

So basically I’ve come back with itchy feet and not a lot of ways to cure it other than shut up. And I should really so I will…… unless you are an LA based agent reading this then please can I have some work so I can enjoy some sunshine. I prepared to beg.

And one other thing while I displace my anger at not being on a beach onto other things – the next person I see high five someone will be beaten. You are not in Top Gun, nor is it 1987. And even if you are ognna do it can you please not do it in such a completely geeky white way.

Oh and I want one of these. Maybe I could make California on one if I lept from telecom tower…….

[youtube lWF8KV4IW5o]

Now I’m sat in on a thursday night having just done the washing up while watching the start of Big Brother (is it eight? do I care?) and the only word I seem to be able to mutter is “COCK”, cause that is what they all are. Without exception. I challenge you to watch BB for more than 20 seconds before you utter that most fantastic of describing words at our TV screen.

But then I may mock, and I do, but here I am sat here watching the “COCKS” co in, scream, pretend they like each other and generally act like “COCKS”.

I just spoke to my good mate the Hymenator who is disgusted about me watching this televisual tripe. But the thing is, BB for me is a form of therapy…. I can get all my hate out at the TV screen and then spend the rest of day being kind to strangers and stroking dogs.

So early judgement of whose gonna win? actually no, thats passe and I can guarantee that every other blog will do the same thing. Lets go with who will be the most hated and take the plaque off Charley Uchea, Jo O’Mera and Jade “Jabba’s Palace” Goody to be our most “cherished” celebrity.

I’ve thought of 4 categories….

Most likely to be lynched.

Most likely to get their respective twinkle/sausage out on camera

Most Likely to have a spread in the Daily Star when they get out

Most likely to make a shit load of money

Feel free to let me know your thoughts on those categories if you can be assed, if not then I shall watch tonights proceedings and post later with my guess at the early contenders for OJ’s Subtle Cock Awards 08.

COCKS! (apart from the blind one, he seems alright – watch him be a closet nazi or something now I’ll end this blog witha little reason why we watch this poo……

[youtube sR__gRs-tlQ]

And thats all I’m writing right now as I’m supposed to be packing up and cleaning James’s flat before (I still owe him rent – should I go on the run?) getting the van and doing the slog across London, and I’m looking for any excuse to sack it off.

Right a bit more packing then I will edit and further right upon this blog.

UDPATE

So today is Wednesday and I have not done any updating on the move. Why? Well thats becasue i have moved and did it in SIX hours. Its got to be a new record when you consider that I went and signed for the flat, checked the new flat, hired a van, emptied one flat, drove to my storage locker and emptied that (apart for a rather important part of the bed – oooops) then put all the stuff into the new flat (with the help of my good friend Clark Mancini) and still made it too a meeting for 4pm. I think I deserve a blast of this music…….

Well I was looking for the theme to Record breakers but Youtube doesn’t have t.. scandle I know. BUT….. while looking for that I found this – check it out! (Call me daddy)

[youtube kY543zxrLPo]

Of course I should point out that the good lady was involved in the move as I wasnot acting alone in this endeavor. I worked out that I have moved house 16 times in the last 7 years – which is rediculous really but it has fine tuned the art of humping my gear about.

So this means that Jimmy the Director is no longer my landlord. I sort of miss him (but not his rent charges)

I thought I wasn’t going to be able to blog as I’ve got to wait a month to get my broadband hooked up again (I know, don’t cry) but it seems someone has left their broadband open for me to lig off. Foooooooooool.

SO I shall collect my thoughs now, buy something to put my decks on and be back blogging soon. (ish as the suns out for Pete’s Sake)

Now the thing that shocked me slightly was that this year you had to qualify for the contest, and My dad (who is Maltese) through a party as the Eurovision is the only chance that Malta usually gets to battle on a (vaguely) level playing field only to find that after buying the nibble, pouring out the drinks and getting the Maltese flag down from the loft, that Malta hadn’t even qualified. Disaster.

On the voting side of things (this is after watching an unfathomably large amount of over made up loves-of-themselves prance about the stage) it was basically a night of camp back rubbing. I got more and more incensed Its a good job we didn’t play the drinking game we were going to play as the tatical voting that went on would have meant that the TV would have exited the house via the window.

Worse still is that I have woken up to the story that Wogers may quit. What! He is the single best thing about the event, and has ended up disgusted at the turn of events there. And if Wogan is upset, I am upset.

The only thing to do is to leave this blog with a vid of andy doing his thing and I guess lets give him gordon Browns job as a form of compensation.

[youtube 2mhZXtm-j7Y]

Check out the fat, smiling Lawrence Fishburn bass player!

Did Rockstar games not think… “hello, we’ve got a game here that everybody wants, lets only make 10 copies of it.”or are we in a lets keep the addicts waiting a bit longer. Well I’m dying here Mr Rockstar. I need my fix so will you get the children in you processing plant to make a few more copies. i’ll pay whatever the cost.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

[youtube zn5ci099cFc]

No, my anger doesn’t relate to printers (although I do hate them….. the bastards) It relates to the drivers of 4×4’s in London. Now i’m not going to go into the environmental issues as we all know them and to be honest You’d just get bored if I did my Al Gore impression (although I do agree with him) its to do with the arrogance of the people who drive them.

Just went to the”big shop’ at Waitrose (chose that cause they are the greenest of all of the supermarkets and also support farmers. The shop cost £123! beating my previous record by about £60. In future the farmers and the environment can go fuck them selves and I’ll shop at Aldi) and in going into the car-park I discovered that it was a small, tight (f’narr) area that had limited spaces available. What do I see then while crawling round looking for a spot for my girlfriends very economical little Yaris? A whacking great big BMW X5 parked badly so leaving it unable for someone to get a car in next to them. Worse was to follow as i carried round on my now non peaceful drive…. but a porsche Cayenne parked with out any regard over 2 spaces. I mean feel free to drive a 4×4 if you live in the country side and own horses, pigs or cockle pickers but in the centre of London!

Now I’m not one to leave things lying but as we exited the car and heading into the supermarket I saw the driver of the X5 – a small posh looking blonde lady – bet you couldn’t have guesses – I of course had to state that I didn’t aprreciate her parking methods (swear words might have been used) It was only afterwards that my girlfriend pointed out that a hairy guy like me shouting a lady in a car-park probably doesn’t look the best but hey, maybe she’ll p[ark better net time. The bitch.

Anyway this blog has mearly turned into a Daily M ail style rant so I shall no diffuse my own burgeoning bile with a track which has got me whacking the repeat button more times that teenagers whack off.

[youtube IpGp-22t0lU]

And I have finally realised this as I upgrade my Mac. Now I have moaned for exactley 1 year and 14 days about the fact that I only have a little 13inch Mac book and not, like everybody else in the Podshow office a MacBook Pro. Last week (and this sort of thing always happens around my birthday – did I mention this is my first blog as a 29 year old? No? I have no problem accepting presents up to a year after the big day) I met a guy (ooooerrrrr) who was flogging a brand new 15″ macbook pro for a bargain price of £850 (its not nicked officer – honest) So I did what any person with a raging birthday induced hangover would do a bought the mother.

The problem comes now. My little Macbook is an extension of me. It has been with me pretty much all day every day for a year. I feel guilty, yes guilty, and slightly ashamed that I’m binning little maccie in favour of a new all singing all, dancing, all bonking new version. I feel like upgrading to a “Pro machine” is like my loss of innocence. That I’m now moving into adult hood. I mean I’m bashing away on the new mac right now (and it has a much better keyboard – how could you OJ turn your back on the little mac) but I don’t feel the love yet.

The worst moment came when I transfered all the data – I plugged a fire wire cable between the 2 machines and then proceeded to rape the brain of my old Mac. The image of a big shiney new machine taking nit just the place, but all the workings of my old, faithful machine. I swear I could hear it crying. If you think ‘m amking this up then I can categorically tell you right now that I feeling a mite emotional and have just snapped and shouted at the Broadband router as I write about this matter.

I’m a alone here? Am I as wierd as I feel – Or am I neglecting my poor, faithful MacBook. I’m gonna have to go now…. I seem to have some thing in my eye…….. [SOB]

Although if you are a member of my family or the police then obviously I’m not (I am actually not I just thought it was a catch title alright – speed is a horrible drug and should not be done by anyone other than the people who operate fairground rides. Crack on the other hand should be done by everyone. I jest of course )

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The reason for the speed in the title is that I have once again left my charger for my laptop at the good ladies house in Wrexham, meaning that I have only 5 minutes of battery life on this contraption. I must write for my life cause I know if I don’t write down my inane witterings then the world might just end.

(0:03)

Of course it wn’t but I am rather fed up of forgetting things – i looked at the bloody thing last night and thought to my self I better not forget that – so I went and forgot it just to prove a point to myself. How do you actually rember things – my old man used to swap a ring pon his hand but I’m not into rings as I reckon blokes in them either look one of three things. Camp, chavvy or like they are trying to be a pirate.

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Not much time left but I did have the most amazing revelation over the weekend and I managed to figure out the meaning of life and why we are all here.

Its quite simple really its……/////

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The most recent journey back from the sexy ladies place up in Wrexham (eeeuuuuuuuuuugh – Wrexham that is, not my girlfriend) was a new one on me though as I think there had been a dance festival up in Blackpool. by dance I dont mean tea, cakes and a nice waltz. I mean the kind of dance that dispenses with the afor mentioned and replaces it with winners, gak and mushrooms.  I don’t think age Concern endorse that sort of thing (although I could be wrong) To get back on the point the train was full of people with very large back packs that smelt slightly of hemp – I have no problem with this as the hemp smelling raver has been me on occassion. The moan comes in the form of the fact that the 2 who squeezed in beside me where so messed up stil that the girl started some sort of chant that did stop even when she seemed to fall into a sleep/trance/coma. What do you do at that point? Do I wake them? Do I tell a conductor and look like a square or just lick the inside of their backs and get intot the zone with them.

I chose to whack on the headphones and try to ignore her and her boyfriends massive eyeballs that were rotating independently. Which is a talent.