Right - the reason I’ve not posted for a while (please put away the hanky) is that I’m currently tear arsing across america on the Bull Run. I will blog about it fully if I ever get more then 5 seconds to settle and right something but I shall try and outline some shenanigans in bullet point form…
Startline/keys locked in the boot
Arrested
Arrested
Car Impounded
Gun pulled on me
Stag do on the side of the motorway
vegas wedding
Petrol? What petrol
Fear of death/lambo
Keep that breath baited and I’ll be back in a week.
I used to be a man. A hunting, gathering, providing, head of the tribe man. (that was all true apart form all of it)
Now I’m sat in on a thursday night having just done the washing up while watching the start of Big Brother (is it eight? do I care?) and the only word I seem to be able to mutter is “COCK”, cause that is what they all are. Without exception. I challenge you to watch BB for more than 20 seconds before you utter that most fantastic of describing words at our TV screen.
But then I may mock, and I do, but here I am sat here watching the “COCKS” co in, scream, pretend they like each other and generally act like “COCKS”.
I just spoke to my good mate the Hymenator who is disgusted about me watching this televisual tripe. But the thing is, BB for me is a form of therapy…. I can get all my hate out at the TV screen and then spend the rest of day being kind to strangers and stroking dogs.
So early judgement of whose gonna win? actually no, thats passe and I can guarantee that every other blog will do the same thing. Lets go with who will be the most hated and take the plaque off Charley Uchea, Jo O’Mera and Jade “Jabba’s Palace” Goody to be our most “cherished” celebrity.
I’ve thought of 4 categories….
Most likely to be lynched.
Most likely to get their respective twinkle/sausage out on camera
Most Likely to have a spread in the Daily Star when they get out
Most likely to make a shit load of money
Feel free to let me know your thoughts on those categories if you can be assed, if not then I shall watch tonights proceedings and post later with my guess at the early contenders for OJ’s Subtle Cock Awards 08.
COCKS! (apart from the blind one, he seems alright - watch him be a closet nazi or something now I’ll end this blog witha little reason why we watch this poo……
So Tomorrow I move house. Again. This will be the (approximate guess) 16th time in 10 years that I have moved which is just a big fat cock.
And thats all I’m writing right now as I’m supposed to be packing up and cleaning James’s flat before (I still owe him rent - should I go on the run?) getting the van and doing the slog across London, and I’m looking for any excuse to sack it off.
Right a bit more packing then I will edit and further right upon this blog.
UDPATE
So today is Wednesday and I have not done any updating on the move. Why? Well thats becasue i have moved and did it in SIX hours. Its got to be a new record when you consider that I went and signed for the flat, checked the new flat, hired a van, emptied one flat, drove to my storage locker and emptied that (apart for a rather important part of the bed - oooops) then put all the stuff into the new flat (with the help of my good friend Clark Mancini) and still made it too a meeting for 4pm. I think I deserve a blast of this music…….
Well I was looking for the theme to Record breakers but Youtube doesn’t have t.. scandle I know. BUT….. while looking for that I found this - check it out! (Call me daddy)
Of course I should point out that the good lady was involved in the move as I wasnot acting alone in this endeavor. I worked out that I have moved house 16 times in the last 7 years - which is rediculous really but it has fine tuned the art of humping my gear about.
So this means that Jimmy the Director is no longer my landlord. I sort of miss him (but not his rent charges)
I thought I wasn’t going to be able to blog as I’ve got to wait a month to get my broadband hooked up again (I know, don’t cry) but it seems someone has left their broadband open for me to lig off. Foooooooooool.
SO I shall collect my thoughs now, buy something to put my decks on and be back blogging soon. (ish as the suns out for Pete’s Sake)
